Once a week I leave the city and take a walk in the countryside; it’s bliss! I walk down the sloping orchard, through the long wet grass that stretches between row upon row of stooping apple trees – packed now with small, tight apples, swelling agreeably with all this rain .. but sun not much…
The air is different here; it feels different, smells different; what is it? … It’s like the world of nature owns the air itself whereas in the town we do - humans I mean …Yes, the distance grrrr of lorries and high speed trains is still here - but the bees, the buttercups, the swallows and the wind all own the air.
What is it I breathe here, this country air? It is so different? I can only describe it as ‘stillness.’ ….
Stillness is what I crave for and yet don’t want, seek after but choose hurriedness instead … it’s so hard to stop …. put on the brakes ….
Yes, when I get there … I’m in tune with myself, my deep within, I feel in step with God again and sense others’ deeps too. I'm righted, no longer heeling sharply over, I’m sailing again …. phew ..
Learn it, my soul, learn it – stillness.
I’ve got a problem as a writer that crops up again and again: How do you hear God? It can be misleading to say, ‘I heard God speak’ or, 'I heard God say..’ Certainly, the great majority of the time we don’t hear Him speak in an audible voice (I’ve never heard the audible voice of God.) I mean, do we 'sense' His voice or 'feel' His voice or 'perceive' His voice? Which verb should we use? I’m not sure.
Of course, I’m a good evangelical – and I hold that my main source of hearing God’s voice is through the Bible. Most of the time God speaks through the written word (thank God for those amazing people who fought (and died) for it to be translated into the vernacular. So, I can ‘read’ His voice – well that’s another angle. 
Elijah describes God’s voice as a still, small one. Not loud, not tempestuous, but like still air, gently, almost imperceptibly, blowing across your face. It’s noiseless .. but then others have described it quite differently: it feels like a hammer or fire in the bones (Jeremiah 23:29; 20:9.)
Perhaps, at times, I can say I have ‘received’ God’s voice rather like my mobile receives signals. Somehow, spirit touches spirit - it’s very hard to explain. The psalmist says, ’deep calls to deep…’ (42:7) Something deep out there, but also very near at hand, actually so near at hand that it comes from within, connects with my ‘deep’ and I recognise, ‘that was God.’
This deep ‘word,’ this voiceless voice, takes us by surprise. It does not come with what we would expect. I think of the time when wretched with condemnation I ‘received’ the word, the notion, the something, that this other ‘deep’ embraces me and my ‘deep’ with an unconditional blanket of love, looking beyond all the turmoil that I sometimes am. It comes with unexpected comfort in the storm; equally it comes with reality, bringing the uncomfortable when all I want is peace.
And sometimes I get it wrong … and I am loath to say ‘God says…’ I much prefer, ‘ I think God has said..’ We all make many mistakes, as James has kindly pointed out to us (James 3:2) …..but that doesn’t matter too much, not in eternal terms anyway, as long as we learn from our mistakes.
One thing I do know: ‘receiving’ God’s word makes all the difference, yes ALL the difference, the difference between a moonless midnight and a cheery summer’s morning, the difference between, well, death and life.
Make me a better receiver .. deep calls to deep….o mighty God.
This was written on 28/6/12 with a little added thought later....
Today is celebration day – a celebration of marriage - my parents have been married 60 years. I’ve just given them the card (see picture.) Why the crown? Well, they always feel they are neck and neck with her majesty. A few weeks ago, being Jubilee weekend, they dug out the house decorations they had made 59 years ago as newly-weds for the coronation and once more proudly placed them on the front of their house!
60 years is a long time and certainly reason to celebrate: 60 years and six children - not to mention all the grandchildren and great grandchildren; it’s been a fruitful union: the children are stable and able to stand on their own two feet and, let’s face it, it’s a difficult world and, for the most part, life is a challenging experience. And, 60 years on, they’re still each other’s best friends. You can’t beat that …
I’m into marriage. Yes, I know I’m a celibate and often blog about celibacy but I’m into marriage too. We need solid strong marriages in the church; indeed I’ve been in church scenes without them and, actually, it doesn’t work too well…. Stable married people bring a family atmosphere and a welcome normality; often their offspring (all ages including the very young) have been among my best friends. They need us as well, yes us celibates and the time we have; the fact that we haven’t got our own families makes us more available to them as friends, mothers, fathers etc. Let’s hope that the spiritual dimension we carry because we’re celibate - intimacy with God, warmth of humanity and sharpness in spirit - brings something they need too.
Marrieds, singles, celibates … all are needed but today is a day to remember, a celebration of marriage and a lasting and fruitful one at that ... and for the mutual love, lasting devotion and stability found within it I am profoundly grateful.
