Mother Teresa in Soho: summer 2012

 An unlikely place, Soho, to house an exhibition about Mother Teresa or .. mmmm ... perhaps not. Like Jesus, she specialised in the sort of people that most people prefer to bypass. Second thoughts, a likely place to find an exhibition about her.
 
There was her room, a replica of it anyway. A tiny hospital bed, two old telephones (I mean old), a primitive filing system and a cardboard box under her bed with ‘AWARDS’ written in thick black pen. Perhaps, most telling, was what she had on her wall: a photo of Theresa of Lisieux, (whose name MT adopted at her first vows) with the saint’s words, ‘My vocation is love.’ 

I think those words could be a summary, actually, of MT’s life.
 
Walking around the exhibition reminded me of my university days. I was studying Theology and finding much of it tedious and dry: reading books written in seminaries or theology departments by academics. Not that I’m against academia or theological study but theology springing from real life, actually life in the gutter, takes on a new and exciting dimension. I remember, in my third year, walking round a reservoir with a book of MT’s sayings in my pocket and finding it, well, a reservoir of life to me at that time, water in a largely desert place. I felt as if I had found ‘the real thing’.

It was fascinating to see her simple blue and white habit, her cardigan, the worn cloth she darned, her handwritten notes and letters  asking for this and that. It made her a little more tangible and gave  insight into her humanity. ( I hate the iconizing of even the most saintly of people.)

Born Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu in Albania, Mother Teresa felt the call of God to become a missionary nun when she was eighteen. She joined an Irish order - the Loreto Sisters - and in 1929 arrived in Calcutta where she took her final vows.

Mother Teresa taught for many years. It was not until she was recovering from a serious illness in 1946 (aged 36) that she received what she called her 'second calling'. The voice of God was clear: she was to leave her convent and work with the poorest of the poor.

The exhibition displayed her conversation with Jesus at this time:
“To leave that which I loved and expose myself to new labours and sufferings which will be great. These thoughts were a cause of much suffering – but His voice kept on saying, ‘WILT THOU REFUSE?’

Jesus said to MT, “Come, carry Me into the holes of the poor. Come be My light, I cannot go alone, go among them, Carry Me with you into them.”

Mother Teresa's life had many similarities with St Francis of Assisi. Like Francis, strict poverty, abandonment of every personal possession and celibacy were all integral parts of her calling. Like Francis she formed her own order - known as the Missionaries of Charity - whilst remaining firmly within the structure of the Catholic Church. Whilst the number of monks and nuns has been steadily declining the brothers and sisters in the Missionaries of Charity has been growing and growing, numbering about 4000 today.
 
The exhibition revealed MT's inner crisis of faith (what a relief to find people like her had crises like you and me). ‘For nearly 50 years MT clung to Jesus in blind faith, not feeling His presence yet profoundly united to Him, radiating His joy and love to each person she met.’
 
MT wrote: “Within me everything is icy cold. It is only that blind faith that carries me through. The smile is a big cloak that covers a multitude of pains.”
 
Mother Teresa referred to herself as 'Christ's spouse', as do all the sisters. She commented that being ‘Christ’s spouse’ is similar to the love of a wife for a husband. “We are all women who have the ability to make use of this love. We should not be ashamed of loving Jesus with our emotions.”

Speaking of her celibacy once, Mother Teresa said, "I cannot in conscience love a creature with the love of a woman for a man, I no longer have the right to give that affection to any other creature but God."

For Mother Teresa, the love she would have given to a spouse was first directed to God. To her it was marriage of a different kind. Commenting on this 'marriage relationship' she found with God she once dryly said, "But sometimes I find it difficult to smile at Him because He can be so demanding!" 

MT's achievements are formidable in their international scope and she has become a byword of sanctity. The exhibition, however, showed us not only the depth of a love born out of suffering and obedience but a woman who was a human, like you and me. 

‘My vocation is love.’ MT got it right and I guess, if we have those four words emblazoned on our hearts, we can’t go too far wrong either.

Celebrating a marriage - celebrating marriage

This was written on 28/6/12 with a little added thought later....


Today is celebration day – a celebration of marriage - my parents have been married 60 years. I’ve just given them the card (see picture.) Why the crown? Well, they always feel they are neck and neck with her majesty. A few weeks ago, being Jubilee weekend, they dug out the house decorations they had made 59 years ago as newly-weds for the coronation and once more proudly placed them on the front of their house!


60 years is a long time and certainly reason to celebrate: 60 years and six children - not to mention all the grandchildren and great grandchildren; it’s been a fruitful union: the children are stable and able to stand on their own two feet and, let’s face it, it’s a difficult world and, for the most part, life is a challenging experience. And, 60 years on, they’re still each other’s best friends. You can’t beat that …

I’m into marriage. Yes, I know I’m a celibate and often blog about celibacy but I’m into marriage too. We need solid strong marriages in the church; indeed I’ve been in church scenes without them and, actually, it doesn’t work too well…. Stable married people bring a family atmosphere and a welcome normality; often their offspring (all ages including the very young) have been among my best friends. They need us as well, yes us celibates and the time we have; the fact that we haven’t got our own families makes us more available to them as friends, mothers, fathers etc. Let’s hope that the spiritual dimension we carry because we’re celibate - intimacy with God, warmth of humanity and sharpness in spirit - brings something they need too.

Marrieds, singles, celibates … all are needed but today is a day to remember, a celebration of marriage and a lasting and fruitful one at that ... and for the mutual love, lasting devotion and stability found within it I am profoundly grateful.

I’ll settle for celibacy … nothing less..…. Rome 304 AD

If you had been on the streets of Rome around the year 304 AD you may have been startled and perhaps disturbed to see a young girl of 13 or so, being led in chains through the bustling streets. Her unhappy destination? The site of execution. 

Agnes was an attractive young Christian teenage girl, living in Rome at the turn of the third century. She would have made a good wife: her parents were wealthy and she was attractive. But, Agnes was adamant; she had decided she did not want to marry but would live a life of undivided devotion to Jesus. Some of Rome’s disappointed young men reported her to the governor who thought, by gentle persuasion, one so young could quickly be won over. He was wrong. 

‘No’ said Agnes again ‘I can have no other husband but Christ!’

Agnes’ persecutors showed her fire, iron hooks, racks and other instruments of torture and threatened her with immediate execution. Agnes remained resolute. She was then dragged before the idols of Rome and commanded to offer incense. To refuse to do this bore the death penalty but again Agnes stood her ground.

By now the governor’s wrath was aroused. ‘Send her to the local brothel!” he angrily commanded ‘and let her be abused there!’

Agnes’ calm reply was that Jesus was too jealous of the purity of His spouses to allow them to be violated in such a way; Jesus was their defender and protector.

It was written later that as Agnes was led off to the brothel, a sense of divine awe fell upon the place and no one was able to touch her.

The young teenager was condemned to death and, as she passed through the streets of ancient Rome, Ambrose, the fourth century church leader and writer later wrote, “she went to the place of execution more cheerfully than others go to their wedding.”

Agnes said a short prayer, bowed her head to worship God and was then executed by the sword.

Many in the crowd wept as they saw Agnes led in chains to the site of execution – not only because of her age but because of her fearlessness, loyalty and devotion. In future years her emblem in Christian art became a lamb, signifying purity and sacrifice – and presumably  her willingness to be led ‘like a lamb to the slaughter’ for what she believed in and held so dear. 

Agnes showed immense courage and that quality of outrageous, undivided  love that stretches and stretches and defies all fear. Her life, her death spoke: “I’ll walk the highest way that I can go ….because of my  devotion to Jesus … I‘ll settle for celibacy … nothing less..….”

Vows … Vows … I believe In Them Anyway (Celibacy)

Yes, I’ve made a vow of life-long celibacy and, believe me, it took me years to make. I am Mrs Slow (sorry …Miss Slow) herself. ‘Yes’, you say, ‘that all very good but what if you find ‘someone’ after making your vow? And anyway, didn’t Jesus tell us not to swear and make vows?’

 OK, let’s think about the swearing first: It seems to me that there is a difference between the careless swearing Jesus condemned in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5: 33-37) and serious, carefully considered vow making before God.

The type of oaths described by Jesus in Matthew 5 were supposedly serious declarations, made with an appeal to God (or something else) to support (or otherwise) the truth of what people said. The result of such a broken oath would be the returning of some sort of vengeance/punishment by the person or thing they had appealed to. It appears that the Jews of Jesus’ day were well into the bad habit of swearing by all sorts of things (but not God) and weren’t always too bothered about breaking their oaths. Jesus was correcting this as well as encouraging His disciples to speak in an honest, straightforward way.

A vow is a promise, often made before God and/or people or a person. As I understand it, a vow is not foremost a declaration of the truth of something present or past but rather the sealing, with a solemn promise, a chosen direction for the future.

I doubt very much if Jesus was repudiating serious, premeditated vow making in Matthew 5. After all, if He was, shall we no longer make or support marriage vows?

In Ecclesiastes Solomon warns us not to be hasty in our heart ‘to utter anything before God’ and tells us that if we make vows we certainly better keep them (Ecclesiastes 5:2, 5)   I have certainly found the very few vows I have made have held me to my resolutions and kept me ‘on track’ in difficult times and, for that, I have valued them. Vows of marriage, celibacy and commitment to God by nature close down some options for us. They also free us for the one person or the one thing that we value so much. Surely, that’s got to be good….

Yes, it can be tough .. there are temptations in marriage as we know. Your marriage partner will probably not be the last person you feel attracted to. Unless you become a celibate hermit, you’re bound to bump into someone you like …

Personally, I have found my vow of celibacy has brought freedom to serve within the church.  Everyone knows where I stand:  it’s not worth asking me out as I’m going to say ‘no.’ I’ll not want to be looking round at anyone with a ‘view’ – no, I just want to be a sister or mother or a friend. Also, I’m not suddenly going to have a new set of priorities as I’m going to get married and have children. Altogether, in a nutshell, in the complicated realm of human relationships, things can be a little more straightforward if you make a vow.  In any church where relationships are all important all these aspects of the vow are a huge plus.

 So … there are some good reasons for making vows of commitment here … but don’t forget … Solomon’s advice. He was a wise crack….

Fruit cakes? Celibacy gets better

Just thinking today about Granny’s fruit cake …. cakes really were her thing. She cooked them continuously for family, people in her village and, yes, the ‘old ladies.’ (I did point out to her once that she herself was actually older than her ‘old ladies’.) Even when she died, aged 91, one of her fruit cakes sat half-eaten in a tin in my room.

The thing about fruit cakes is: they improve with age.

On Saturday I interviewed a young sister about her celibate call; she is on the threshold, dare I say, of middle age – give it another few years. (The crossover line to middle-age gets higher as you get older. Now it’s about 42 - it used to be about 35.)

Anyway, I do sometimes surprise myself by what comes out of my own mouth. You see, I found myself encouraging her that celibacy actually improves with age. After all, you know yourself better, your limitations as well as your gifts and you definitely discover more gifts as you go along; you know God in a deeper way, hopefully rest a little more on/in who He is and that bonding brings a solid, inward security.  Yes, all this but more … I have found more possibilities are opened up to you. Bluntly, not so many men fall in love with you. Young men look to you as a mother, not an eligible partner.

Yes, the door widens, not narrows; the field gets wider. And anyway, for goodness sake, let’s stop worrying about age. After all, how old was Moses when he began to lead God’s people? 80. And think about Anna, the prophetess - definitely a celibate. She was so single-eyed in her vision that she didn’t even leave the Temple at the age of 84. It’s hard to find an equal to match her passion to see the coming of God’s kingdom (Luke 2:36-38.)

There’s life in the old fruit cake still. Improved life. If I know anything about God, I’m sure He wants things to get better and better anyway – even if it means more heartaches, humblings, breakings on the way. My celibate friend, you are on the threshold .. nearly. Now is the time to take heart, look forward, anticipate .. the better half of your life. Like fruit cakes, your gifting will improve with age.

 

Joseph and Mary take Jesus, as a baby, to the Temple in Jerusalem

 ‘There was also a prophetess, Anna, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple but worshipped night and day, fasting and praying. Coming up to them (Mary, Joseph and Jesus) at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem.’ Luke 2: 36-38

Uncomplaining eunuchs

Isaiah is my favourite prophet, maybe because in the midst of his grim message of judgment he also abounds with positivity; his vision sparkles of a renewed Zion; one day the sun will shine again on God’s people – and when it does what a glorious day it will be. And here, in the midst of Isaiah, so full of mysteries, I find another mystery. It is the word about eunuchs (just bear in mind that any priest with impaired sexual organs was not allowed to serve in the temple in the days of Isaiah.)  

“And let no eunuch complain,
   “I am only a dry tree.”

 For this is what the LORD says:

To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths,
   who choose what pleases me
   and hold fast to my covenant —
 to them I will give within my temple and its walls
   a memorial and a name
   better than sons and daughters;
I will give them an everlasting name
   that will endure forever.

Isaiah 56:3, 4, 5

I’ve always thought this refers to celibates. After all, Jesus spoke of His followers making themselves eunuchs ‘for the sake of the kingdom’ (‘denying sexual activity and partnership for the sake of’- Matthew 19:11-12. )

 A memorial – a sort of plaque or memorial stone placed on the wall so people can be remembered and honoured forever? I think of my trips around Westminster Abbey in past years where the names and deeds of the most highly acclaimed and notable of the land are enshrined for ensuing generations to remember. And a place ‘better than sons and daughters – what on earth does that mean? The only thing closer than sons and daughters is a lover or partner. Maybe that’s it. I really don’t know. Celibates will have a place of great everlasting honour, a relationship with God that is very, very intimate – where?  In the very temple of God, the heart of the heart of the place where God dwells – his church and highest heaven. O to be a faith-filled, uncomplaining ‘eunuch!’

Don’t be sorry

One thing visitors at the Jesus centre love to ask is, ‘How many kids have you got?’ Well, I’m a respectable (fairly), grey-haired, middle-aged teacher and so it’s most likely I’m married to some respectable well-paid geyser and, anyway, I wear a silver ring on my left finger – perhaps a bit misleading. Well, this week it happened again, Monday in fact. Two Eritrean Christian refugees asked the old question: ‘How many kids have you got?’  ‘None, actually.’ …. embarrassed silence… me adding, ‘I’m not actually married either.’   ‘O I’m ..er ..er ..sorry..’ to have asked, they said. ‘Don’t be sorry,’ I said cheerfully and blurted out, perhaps a bit to my surprise, ‘I actually am a Christian celibate; this is the way I have chosen and I am very happy. I live a bit like, well ….you know, nuns and monks? .. A little bit like them.’

Maybe I should wear the ring on the other finger. Bygone days, less grey hair, you know, a few blokes just hanging in there, hoping in vain .. I did it for a little self protection but these things don’t happen so much as you get older (relief – there are advantages in age.) No, I think I’ll keep it on the left. Why not? And after all, what a great conversation point.