Jerusalem Telegraph: AD 30

                        Jerusalem Telegraph AD 30

           Imposter wanted for questioning as 
 new allegations pour in of yet another miracle

                     Sanhedrin determines 
               Jesus of Nazareth be silenced

Once again the city is full of rumours surrounding self-appointed rabbi, Jesus from Nazareth, who is reported to have performed one of his ‘magical tricks’ again. Residents of the small village of Bethany, near Jerusalem, are saying he raised to life a dead man, Lazarus of Bethany, yesterday. The named man is said to have died five days ago of natural causes and been placed in the tomb outside the village a few hours after he died. The deceased’s body had been washed and anointed with oils and spices, as is the custom, and seventy people took part in the burial procession.

Jesus of Nazareth is purported to have been on good terms with the deceased man, Lazarus and his two sisters, Mary and Martha and often frequents their house. He was not present on the day of Lazarus’s death and burial.

Neighbours told reporters that Jesus arrived near Bethany at noon yesterday and, while still outside the village, spoke with Lazarus’s sister, Martha, at some length. Neighbours said they were shocked to see the two in deep conversation and apparently the ‘rabbi’ has been known to do such a shameful thing on a few previous occasions (publically conversing with a woman – and, it has to be said, not even a blood relative.)

Martha is reported to have gone to find her sister Mary and it appears the rabbi also spoke to her outside in the same place; it was clear the woman, Mary, was traumatised by events and quickly collapsed at his feet weeping. Jesus was said to be overcome with emotion after the conversation.

Jesus of Nazareth went to the tomb, a small cave cut out of the rocks, and one man working on his garden nearby distinctly heard him, from a distance, order the stone to be removed and call the dead man out of the tomb.  Another neighbour said that he was alarmed to see a white figure walking stiffly out of the tomb, wrapped from head to foot in grave clothes, and the rabbi commanded these to be taken off.

The Sanhedrin has admitted it is getting inundated with and very tired of these stories that keep coming in … healings, miracles, risings from the dead. They are ‘interrupting business as usual’ and members of the council are deeply concerned that gullible and ignorant people believe them and appear to hang on every word the imposter speaks.

The most likely explanation is that it is a set-up to impress or the dead man must have swooned

Reporters questioned the two sisters at length. They too are taken in by the imposter and are convinced that a miracle had taken place. Both said they were with their brother when he died and told reporters that even if Lazarus  had swooned he could not have come out of the tomb four days later, having eaten and drunk nothing and looking, as they described, ‘in blooming health.’ Impertinently, they asked reporters what would be the purpose of a set-up when Jesus has already done ’countless other miracles’ to prove that He is the ******** (cannot be published due to blasphemous content.) They pointed out that Jesus did not want any more publicity as some ruffians in the vicinity of the capital have been seeking every opportunity to stone him. They said they could provide plenty of witnesses to the miracle if we are still unconvinced..

The Sanhedrin is reported to be desperate to question Jesus of Nazareth on his own concerning his teaching and so-called miracles. If anyone knows his whereabouts please ring Caiaphas on 089 765 314 22.